Name placement etiquette in stationery

As a stationery store owner, I often get questions about etiquette, and I’m happy to answer. It seems that over the last several decades there’s been such a movement towards ‘casual’ that we forgot to teach our kids some of the rules. Surprisingly, however, it’s often the generation older than me that is locked into incorrect ways. So, here are a few simple rules pertaining to name placement on stationery.

1. Ladies, we didn’t go through women’s lib for nothing! But even without that movement, in most social situations, we are supposed to come first when mentioned with our husband. Some say the man’s “first and last name should never be separated,” some say “ladies first.” I say it’s the “polite way.” No matter, the effect is the same: it’s Susan and John Doe. Not John and Susan Doe.

2. With wedding invitations, the parents of the bride typically extend the invitation and many brides want their mom’s first name mentioned. While that is fine, it certainly decreases the level of formality. And when the mother’s first name is given, titles should be dropped. So it’s Susan and John Doe or Mr. and Mrs. John Doe inviting you to the wedding; not John and Susan Doe, and not Mr. and Mrs. Susan and John Doe.

3. When you send wedding invitations, please, please don’t use stickers on the envelopes!!! Just because ‘everybody does it…’ doesn’t mean you should. (Remember your mom saying ‘if everyone jumped off a bridge’…?) An event as important as your wedding deserves the time it takes to hand-write your guests’ names and addresses. And again, as you address the envelope, return to #1 and #2.

4. When addressing envelopes, and writing any correspondence, recall the level of formality of the event, your familiarity with the person to whom you are writing (and their spouse, as applicable), and any professional titles they may carry. Mr. and Mrs., Dr. and Mrs., and Professor and Mrs. are always in good taste. First names may not be.

Remember, etiquette isn’t as much about what’s “right” and what’s “wrong” as it is about making people feel comfortable and welcome. It’s about being polite and treating people with kindness and respect. Come on, let’s make the world a kinder place!